And two half makes a whole
by Azrael-Autumn
Summary: (TRIGGER WARNING)Soulmate AU. Tsuna never knew how much hate he could have for a word. (Summary might change...until I find something I'm happy with.)
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I honestly swear that I will complete it.

In like err, few more shots.

Yeah

-Autumn

* * *

 _Live._

It wasn't something special, those words spiralling around his wrist. Not exactly. The first and last letters are barely touching, written in bold cursive italics.

It always sent a pang through his heart whenever his eyes clasp on it, his throat constricting tightly.

 _Live._

It wasn't something special.

Yet it was the only thing that kept him here. The thought that someone out there would still like him to stay here.

His fingers ghost over the words imprinted on his skin. The first word he would hear from his soulmate.

And the last words falling from their lips to him.

Something lost before it even started.

He squeezes his eyes shut, hands fisted in his clothes.

He often wonders if it would have been better if his skin was bare of it, just clean, unmarred skin with bluish green veins running and branching off into his palms.

That way, he would have nothing to look forward to, nothing to fear.

He probably won't be here in the first place. At the very least, it would mean that all these pain would have stopped.

His lips trembled before he broke down in the small, dark cabinet at the corner of the classroom.

Choking back another sob, Tsuna resist the urge to hurl, the storm in his mind still brewing, lightning flashing and thunder roaring as the rain falls.

He buries his head in his arms.

He fervently hopes that they will never meet, their path never intersecting.

The downpours of raindrop thoughts weigh heavy on his heart.

Tsuna doesn't think that he can take it if his soulmate were to look at him with the same disappointed eyes he sees every day.

Like a pair of unhappy brown eyes hiding behind a smile greeting him every morning while gossiping with the neighbours about how useless her son is.

The brunet tightens his hold as if he could fend against the hurricanes of thoughts.

The pitter-patter of pain.  
The pitter-patter of why, of how, of what went wrong.

The rushing and gusting and swirling of thoughts;  
The what ifs and;  
The how comes.  
What could've been, should've been, and would've been.

The storm in his mind continues to scream.

* * *

He felt like ramming his head against the wall.

How is it possible to have a baby, no more than 2-year-old, trying to control every aspect of his life?

How can this be?

All he ever wanted was to live peacefully!

He paused at the thought before throwing himself aside clumsily from another explosion.

Huh. It has been such a long time that he even thought of living.

Tsuna chuckled.

Live? More like surviving until the god of death takes his breath away and stills his heart.

The brunet winced when he extinguish another wick using his fingers and launched himself at the silver hair teen when he saw the weapons slipping from the bomber's fingers.

* * *

This is life has officially descended into insanity.

"Juudaime! I will follow you for the rest of my life!"

He must be dreaming. What a weird dream.

* * *

Tsuna shrugged when Yamamoto sneered at him from the rooftop ledge.

"So useless-Tsuna is here to take pity on me too."

The brunet slipped his right hand out of his pocket as he strides forward, holding it out to the teen who wore a look of confusion at the gesture.

Tsuna gave a wry smile and stepped on the ledge.

"Well, come along. Since you don't seem to mind leaving your father behind, I can join you on this trip. Not that I have anyone to live for."

His gaze dropped on the wrist of his outreached hand.

 _Live._

How incredibly mocking.

Yamamoto paled, taking several steps back and into safety. "W-What…" The teen felt his legs gave way and dropped to the ground. "N-No…"

The brunet look at the teen before him impassively. Eyes hooded, Tsuna stepped off the ledge and strolled away with his hands tucked in his pockets.

On the opposite building, a hitman frowned.

* * *

Hiding behind a book at the corner of the library, Tsuna heaves out a long-suffering sigh. He cannot understand why they are being so friendly. Especially the baseball teen and Sasagawa Kyoko with her friend, Hana.

He, _honest to god_ , doesn't understand why are they even talking to him.

They have never spoke to him before. Never stood up for him either. So why are they bothering to do so now and is acting all chummy with him?

Tsuna puffs his cheeks and sighed.

He was never one to hold a grudge but he couldn't help but feel a surge of bitterness before flinging the thoughts to the back of his mind.

* * *

"But if you say you'll never do it…" The blond male reached into his fur-lined jacket and grin while Tsuna took several steps back.

The male pulled out a turtle, "I'll bite!"

A man at the side dressed in suit and spectacle smiled. "That's rude, Boss."

Ignoring his subordinate, the man continued. " His name is Enzo," He gave a fond smile at the turtle, " When I asked Reborn for Leon, he gave me this guy instead."

Reborn smirked. "Leon is my partner after all."

Taking the chance to escape, the brunet backed away slowly and turned to open the door, only cursing when the creaking attracted the two's attention.

"Oi, I'm not as bad as the books say, you know."

Tsuna furrowed his brows.

"Quiet, Evil One."

The hitman rolled his eyes while Dino laughed. "Ooh, name-calling. How very fearsome."

"Yes, yes I am-"

Tsuna yelled in surprise when the door was flung open and I-pin came running in screaming while Lambo chased her.

Huffing a laughter under his breath at the sudden idea popped in his head, he sweep Lambo off the floor and grabbed the pink grenade out of his hands. Gently placing the child down while ignoring the loud protesting, he smiled at Lambo.

"May the lord bless thy grenades to blow thine enemies to tiny, tiny bits. Amen."

He pulled the pins and threw it out of the window.

Reborn arched an eyebrow. Dino eyes widened in surprise and leaped out of the windown in a heartbeat.

"Art thou surprise? See how fearsome I am? Now get away from me, weirdos."

Tsuna flinched when a bullet lodged on the wall, few centimeters away from his ear.

"What did you say, Dame-Tsuna?"

* * *

It presses down on his chest like a heavy stone, pushing all the air out of his lungs until no words could be formed.

There was a saying, that a heart is a heavy burden. Tsuna fully agrees. How can he not, when the pain in his chest is so great, it felt like his heart was shattered into tiny shards?

"Kufufu, I'm going to possess your body and destroy the mafia, Vongola Decimo!"

He blinks and exhales, his gaze falling on his wrist as it always does.

Tsuna swallowed roughly. He is so very tired. So very, _very_ tired. Perhaps it is time to let go?

 _Live_

The brunet thinks that his hatred for the word inked on his skin has never run as deep as now. Seared through his very bones.

 _Live_

Tsuna chuckles dryly.

"…No."

The world burst into flames.

* * *

"No…Way…" Tsuna felt his back hit the wall and slid down as he lost the strength to stand. "…Why?"

Reborn frowned at the flat tone and turned to face the brunet, the fingers tightens on the cup.

"What are you talking about? You're already involved in the mafia. The ring around your neck is the prove of your position as the heir."

He could feel the despair bubbling, the urge to cry rises.

"Though I felt that it was too early to give you that ring."

"You weren't the one who put it there?"

"No, it wasn't me."

Tsuna shoots the Arcobaleno a wan smile. "Huh." His hand rubbed his face tiredly.

"Although we can't argue now, it _is_ an emergency situation."

The brunet sighed wearily. Now that he think of it, he has been doing that quite frequently ever since the hitman has come into his life.

His hands fumbled for a clasp before slipping the chain over his head and placing the accessory on the ground beside him.

"I refuse."

Reborn glance sharply at the teen.

"You don't have a choice Tsuna."

He shifted, raising his head and smiling faintly at the baby. "Not really. I could always choose to die."

"True," The hitman arched his eyebrow, an unreadable glint in his eyes, "But what about your friends? Your family? Are you going to let them come to harm?"

Tsuna felt his the corner of his lips twitched into a sardonic smile before he smooth out his expression.

"In the first place, children shouldn't have to sacrifice so that the adults could have the life they want." The hitman froze.

"Well, I'm sure dad can protect mum. The rest are not so deeply involved to the point others will chase after them. After I'm dead, there wouldn't be a need to fight for the position."

Expression darkening, Reborn reached up for his fedora, tilting it up for a better view at the brunet face. His jaw tightens at the blank look.

"What makes you think your dad will be able to protect your mother?"

He shrugged. "I'm not stupid. Mum doesn't have such an important accessory. Dad shows up conveniently after the attack and he is the one that hired you, a mafia hitman, to tutor me. He's probably the one that slipped the necklace on me and would be in a position high enough to get you, the world greatest hitman to abide by his choice."

Reborn sipped his coffee and placed it on the table beside him, legs crossed.

"You would let them mourn for you?"

"Mourning is, in the simplest sense, grief over someone's death," Tsuna interject smoothly, "I doubt they will grief much."

The hitman gave the teen an incredulous look.

"Do you even hear what you are saying?"

Levelling a bland stare at the hitman, Tsuna rocks back to stare at the ceiling.

"I'm not deaf. Neither am I blind."

Smiling, he tips back further and flopped on the floor.

"I will no longer set myself on fire to keep others warm…"

Tsuna closes his eyes.

"…I'm tired."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: _ **(TRIGGER WARNING**_ ) Sry guys, I really need to go to bed. ME NEEDS _SLEEPPPP._

Thanks for all the reviews , favs and follows! I will edit tmr morning...

* * *

His fingers shook, lips tightly pressed together.

He is furious and he feels like punching something. Anything to relieve the simmering rage underneath his skin.

As his fist comes down on the mirror hanging on the wall in the bathroom, cracks distorting his reflection and blood running through it like it used to in veins, he realised with a sickening pain that his heart seems to weigh heavier than ever, a cold stone in his chest.

"What," His voice harsh and low, "Were you thinking, hm?"

He whirls around, his breathing ragged.

"Or were you not thinking _at all_?"

Iemitsu shot him a stern look. "Tsuna," The blond walks forward, steps faltering when brown eyes gave a venomous glare. "This-"

Tsuna snarled.

"Shut up. SHUT. UP."

The brunet barked a derisive laugh at the silence that followed. "Oh? Finally, someone listens?"

His hand fall to his side, pieces of glass falls like crystals as it caught the light.

"I don't want to hear any excuses."

Reborn jumped on the sink and flick his fedora, eyes hard as coal. Tsuna stared dully.

"Tsuna," The brunet wants to burst into hysterical laughter at the soft tone. "The rest has made their decision and will go to the fight. Will you watch them battle for something they will lose even before it start?"

"I forfeit."

Reborn shook his head. "Even so, the mafia never leave loose ends. The moment they accepted the ring, they are involved."

"But no one would have known," He hissed, a red haze of anger settling over his mind, "Unless some piece of shit decides to _announce it_!" His finger shook as Tsuna points it at the blond, _"YOU."_

"Tsuna, don't take that _tone-_ "

Enraged, the brunet let out a high pitched scream, sending the two reeling and the rest of the occupants in the house clambering towards the kitchen.

Bewildered, Iemitsu quickly left the bathroom and out of the kitchen to do control damage.

The bathroom sinks into silent, an unreadable look on Reborn's face.

"W-What's happening dear?"

"Oh, don't worry Nana," Iemitsu's boisterous laugh floats across the house, "Tsuna just throwing a tantrum."

Tantrum?

"O-Oh-"

"Why don't you take the kids out for shopping, dear?"

His mother seems to hesitate before replying. "Alright…" Her voice turned slightly cheerful. "I'll see you later, honey."

"Yeah, I'll be waiting, my lovely Nana~"

So that's what it is?

Is he throwing a tantrum?

 _Live_.

Live? And deal with all these?

Tantrum? He'll show that what a tantrum is _._

Ripping the mirror off the wall, he smashed it against his wrist where the words were inked, small shards embedded in his skin from sheer force, marring the words with blood trickling all over.

 _Live_

He lets out a soft laugh and smashes it against his wrist.

Again.

And again.

And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

"Tsuna! Stop! PLEASE!" The brunet struggled violently against the arms hooking him from behind, his breath harsh.

"AArGh-" He snarled and thrashed, arms flailing in an attempt to drive the mirror into the word and _carve it out_ of his skin and-

He _hates it._

 _HE HATES IT._

 _HE_ _ **NEVER**_ _WANTS TO SEE IT._

 _HE'S GOING TO_ _ **RIP IT OUT.**_

"ARGNGHARHHH!LETME _GOARH-_ "

A gunshot resounds loudly, bouncing off the walls while the bullet shot the mirror out of the teen's hand.

"NONON _ONON_ _ **ONO-**_ "

Please.

P _lease._

As if the strings were cut, he slumped against his father, head lowered.

A tear slid down.

Another.

And another.

"All I wanted," He rasped out, "Was to live in peace…"

So why?

* * *

Feelings, he thinks wryly, is a massive bastard.

No matter how hard he tries to shake it off, it clings o him, dragging him down and into painful conflicts in his mind.

Why is the world painted in shades of grey?

Why do his enemies always have a sad background?

Be it the bully who pushes him around in school, only for Tsuna to see the boy's father doing the same to the boy right in front of the school gates.

Or Xanxus, this fierce, towering man fighting with him to a life and death battle for this position, only for Tsuna to see a man doing it to prove his own worth to his adoptive father. A father, who, though, deeply cared for his adoptive son, went the wrong way of expressing it and never really thought about the consequences his actions could cause for Xanxus.

He heaved a sigh and let his world tilt, ignoring the startled shouts around him, his gaze slowly falls from the inky sky to Xanxus lying motionless beside him, body covered with faded scars from years ago.

Bonds, who needs them?

Even family, a place supposed to be out safe haven, is very often where we find our deepest heartache.

So, who needs them?

(Though there are times when the sun dipped below the horizon and the stars are scattered across the black velvet night, a tiny part of Tsuna wish that he didn't have to.)

* * *

There are days whee he can still remember how it was to be alright. Other days, he just felt…broken.

Like something deep within had sprung loose and might never be repaired again.

The pain comes crashing in waves, pulling him under and feeling like he will drown.

Still, the sun keeps rising and his battered heart goes on beating.

He eyed his wrist peppered with scars, breaking the word into lines that not quite connect.

Tsuna sighed and stretches lightly, his eyes softening at the peaceful scene outside his window.

A gentle breeze. Leaves rustling along to create a melody and occasional chirps to fill in the high notes.

Perhaps a walk outside would shake off the melancholy.

* * *

"Ah, Tsuna, are you going out?"

He stiffened, his hand hovering above the keys before it let it dropped to his side.

"Maybe…Why?"

For a moment, Tsuna saw the corner of her lips twitch down and her eyes seem to gain an unnatural shine until it was gone the next in a blink.

"Oh…Mama wanted to ask if you like to go shopping for dinner with me…"

Tsuna eyes the silent kids scattered around the woman.

Reborn jumped on the shoe cabinet.

"Well, a man should protect their family. Mama was pickpocketed yesterday. Since you weren't at home during dinner, you'd missed that piece of information."

Ah, there it is. The guilt tripping.

The brunet shook his head. "Yeah, where is Father when we need him most, hm?"

If possible, the silence in the room became more oppressive and sharp.

Two can play the game.

"A-Ah, mah, you know papa is busy, Tsuna."

"Yeah," The hitman sounded odd though it was gone the next. "Since Iemitsu is busy, you are supposed to protect Mama, Dame-Tsuna."

The brunet gave a self-depreciating laugh at the watery smile on Nana's face and the hitman's reaction. Ignoring the pain in his heart and the agonizing inability to breathe, he meets the Hitman's gaze, ignoring Nana's flinch at the back.

"I'm a Dame. What makes you think I can protect anyone? Let's not raise your expectation before you fall into disappointment."

He turns-

And he runs.

(He run with the hope of outrunning the pain, the sadness and overwhelming despair.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys...**

 **It's been a while huh.**

 **Autumn... Is no longer around.**

 **I will pick up from where we left off.**

 **Give me some time to slowly upload yeah.**

 **Thanks for sticking around.**


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